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If you and your spouse are going through a divorce, the idea of talking to him or her may seem daunting. You’re still very angry at your spouse and don’t want to speak to him or her. However, if you have children or are planning to divorce through mediation, you may have to communicate with your spouse from time to time.

Here are some tips for improving communication during your divorce.

Concentrate on the Present

If you have a lot of resentment towards your spouse, it might be tempting to bring up the past during your conversations. However, this will only cause accidents and not get you anywhere. Try to avoid talking about the past and focus on issues that are important right now, such as how to divide up marital assets or custody arrangements.

Don’t Communicate When You’re Upset

When you’re angry or upset at your spouse about something, you may want to scream and tell him or her off. However, this will only escalate the situation and might make you look bad to the judge. That’s why you should give yourself some time to calm down before you speak to your spouse.

Communicate in Public Spaces

If you have to have a conversation in person with your spouse, consider doing it in a coffee shop or other public place. If you talk to your spouse in your home, it will be easier to get into a heated argument. When you’re around other people, you may be less likely to scream and yell.

Limit How Many Text Messages You Send

Text messages should be reserved for only simple discussions. For example, if you’re just leaving to meet your spouse, it’s fine to text him or her and say you’re on your way. However, you shouldn’t send texts for issues that require a long discussion, as messages can easily get mixed up. You might be trying to say one thing when your spouse thinks you mean something entirely different. It’s better to call to discuss serious matters.

Don’t Communicate Through Third Parties

If you and your spouse are on bad terms, it may be tempting to communicate through a family member or friend. However, you shouldn’t put them on this spot like this. It can make your loved ones feel uncomfortable increase the risk of your messages not being delivered accurately.

If you’re planning to get a divorce, you should consult with an experienced family lawyer in Rockville, MD soon.

Thanks to Daniel J. Wright for their insight into family law and communicating with your spouse during divorce.